In the morning i went to church with Charity. It was REALLY far away and REALLY REALLY different! The experience was deafening. xD I learnt a lot of new things, that’s for sure.. especially not to give your number to someone who’s ‘SO sure you’re the right girl for him’ after knowing you for about, 5 minutes. Sleazy, or what? There were other circumstances of course, but i still feel really idiotic. NEVER again will i do that. I am an idiot. Self-proclaimed, but it’s true.

It was like, 4pm by the time i got home. I had time to shower, hug someone and get ready to go see Mia and You Sop. That was fun too! We took the Ikano bus and i told them all about my Prince Charles. xD The two Korean girls are really really fun and they’re all so friendly and not the slightest bit pretentious. We watched THE LOVE GURU, which is ABSOLUTELY DUMBLY HILARIOUS! Hats off to Mike Myers. Then we came back here (WE being Noreen, Amelia, Carolyn and Adeline) in a stuffed car. 10 of us in the Fortuner! Noreen and I lost our butts for a few moments. Dropped the two Koreans at the LRT station then went to Kayu for dinner. Then came home.. and PLAYED TILL 3 AM!

WOOT!

Still feeling a bit darned from the 4 hour sleep.

But i had a good time and i love you guys

Yesterday was so fun. We had a surprise birthday party for Jeya. Kudos to the two dolls Mabel and Piki. They did surprisingly well and we had a good SILLY time at Chillis. Wen Yuin and I play only!

It was really fun to then hang out with Isabelle and Noreen and all of them. Walking for ages to look for drinks. Ended up with just water from Jusco. DAMN DUMB! Then went to Big Apple but i sat outside just observing people.. and criticising. Bad bad girl. But so fun la. Cuz i had someone sitting with me ma.

Yupp. That person really made my day. We had something like a fight the day before but i didn’t know what to do. I’m just glad we’re alright now and i’m in love.

la la la-ness. woot!

And i love you so much.

But this is not going anywhere.

I don’t get you.

You don’t get me.

Our love is almost.. superficial.

It hurts to admit, but i have to.

You do what i don’t do, and you don’t do what i do.

And i’m tired of trying to control you because i know how that will end up.

But it’s not me to not hold you with reins. I’m sorry.

I just want us to be okay again.

And i’m sorry i didn’t tell you earlier but i love you too.

The littlest response warms my heart.. but i don’t get what i expect.

Is it my own fault? Am i wanting too much? Did i misunderstand?

Who knows? I just love you.

I said what i felt i had to, but i didn’t know the impact was so huge. Maybe it came out wrong, i bet it did, but it hurt him so bad. Then i realised that my own heart was breaking. You don’t expect to hurt someone you love so much and not feel a thing, but what surprises me now is that i can’t control how i feel. I can’t stop the tears and the pain. The agony.

It’s my own fault. If i had thought about my actions and the consequences, then maybe things wouldn’t have come to this. But it’s ‘bit late’ as he said. And now i’m left with almost.. nothing. He went off. And i’m wishing so hard he didn’t.

I want to start over. I love him so.

My A’s were hard work. Retarded or childish, i was still hardworking and focused. And so were my friends, honey. Now don’t go blogging about us behind our backs, either!

At least i voice out my irritations. You can’t.

And if they’d have to make a choice, i’m pretty sure we know who they’d root for.

So appreciate my hospitality. I’ve stopped bitching about you ages ago, and you should do the same. Respect the people around you and they’ll love you for who they are.

Take a chill pill.

Pero yo muy encantado con espanol! Por favor correcta mi por incorrecto utilitad espanol.

Encantada!

And today i will tell you what mine has been in the last 3 days, and how i’ve manipulated it to my good. Not it’s own.

Tuesday. Math examination in the day. But the early morning before.. Someone passed away. A large dose of regret first thing when i woke up. I heard her on the phone talking about a funeral..and i knew. And i kept it welled inside, because i didn’t want her to cry any more. Little did anyone know, i cried to myself to a couple of times. Tuesday night, we rushed down to Malacca to be with him and his father. 2+ am before i could sleep. After crying myself tired.

Wednesday. Woke up early and went to college. Did a bit of Economics before i went with her to meet a Korean girl. Sweet. And we had a great time. Got to know her mom and all that. Perfect outing. Then when i was walking home.. some guy decides he wants to take a try at my bag. I hold it tight, and he gets away without it. But only after i’ve had quite a fall, and i’ve called him a pig. I panic and run home.. and then when i’m all calmed down i realise i’m hurting everywhere. And i’ve probably hurt a large proportion of my back. I spend the rest of the day hobbling.. and trying to study for the exam next day.

Thursday morning. My mom decides she can’t go down for his funeral because i need to be sent to college. So i’m feeling bad and i just HATE studying and end up being online and watching the idiot-box. I hate my condition and i wished i felt better. Then the afternoon comes.. and i get to college. 13 minutes before i’m reminding someone to bring in his exam docket and realise i didn’t bring my own. The sweet guy tells me i have to go get mine.. in the rain. So i do. I get all soaked with people being absolutely sweet . I sit for the exam soaking wet, with even a squish in my shoes for an added effect. The sweet guy offers me his sweater once, but i’m all wet so i said no. Told you he was sweet!          

Evening comes, and she tells me he wants us at a party. I’m like, no way. I’m going out with my parents. Ironically, they’ve announced that petrol prices are up rm0.86 by midnight, and EVERYONE decides to get a grab at cheaper petrol, and mom doesn’t want to go out anymore. So i settle with some weird cake and hot coffee before dad and i make it home.

And this morning.. i wake up still achey and all that.. and he decides to be an idiot and throw a tantrum. Sigh.

All this while my love is away. I miss Macs SO!

But guess what? The only tears i’ve cried are of for a dead man. None more. Jesus has given me so much strength, and i’m taking it all in with a smile. Eventful, not depressing. Hard, but i’m not resigning. I cannot change stuff, but i can mould myself to be ready for more than this.

SO people, call me out for a drink! Exams are over and i need some entertainment. As if 3 days hasn’t been enough.

2nd, 3rd, 4th June 2008, I love you!

For my own sakes then, i’ll actually record the happenings of my life just before this.

Exams began. MAAN was alright.. but Poetry&Drama wasn’t as alright. Too cold then.

Been in and out of college. I miss Sabra! I still find that one.. very confusing. He asked me to marry him yesterday. LOL. Obviously a joke, but so random. The other one looked really good. Probably knew he needs his good looks to survive. And the older one.. he’s sweet. Something about him i don’t get, but i’m sorry i confused him. He thought i asked him to be my beau. I got a shock myself. The answer was No, anyway, simply because i was too young. xD

Haven’t seen my sayang Care-lyn-by on webcam in ages. Her hair long edi So weirdly funny. But see la.. what happens. I’ll make her cut it soon! Cannot tahan.

That whole issue with *her. Sighhhhhhh. I’m lost. But we’ll play along…

And i can’t remember much else.

This post is orange for the female Physics Genius in AU!

Matthew, you are candy.

And Navid, your haircut is seriously fine, although so expensive.

I wish i could hug you guys.

Macster, come home.