When i think how hard it gets.
I feel like letting go.
The littlest response warms my heart.. but i don't get what i expect.
Is it my own fault? Am i wanting too much? Did i misunderstand?
Who knows? I just love you.
I feel like letting go.
The littlest response warms my heart.. but i don't get what i expect.
Is it my own fault? Am i wanting too much? Did i misunderstand?
Who knows? I just love you.
Sometimes things take you by surprise when you expect something, and it goes a little further in reality.
I said what i felt i had to, but i didn't know the impact was so huge. Maybe it came out wrong, i bet it did, but it hurt him so bad. Then i realised that my own heart was breaking. You don't expect to hurt someone you love so much and not feel a thing, but what surprises me now is that i can't control how i feel. I can't stop the tears and the pain. The agony.
It's my own fault. If i had thought about my actions and the consequences, then maybe things wouldn't have come to this. But it's 'bit late' as he said. And now i'm left with almost.. nothing. He went off. And i'm wishing so hard he didn't.
I want to start over. I love him so.
Well i thank Jesus i ain't a (LIAR), and the people around me don't have to pretend they like me.
My A's were hard work. Retarded or childish, i was still hardworking and focused. And so were my friends, honey. Now don't go blogging about us behind our backs, either!
At least i voice out my irritations. You can't.
And if they'd have to make a choice, i'm pretty sure we know who they'd root for.
So appreciate my hospitality. I've stopped bitching about you ages ago, and you should do the same. Respect the people around you and they'll love you for who they are.
Take a chill pill.
Perdon, me no hablar espanol bien.
:)
Pero yo muy encantado con espanol! Por favor correcta mi por incorrecto utilitad espanol.
Encantada!
This word.. when uttered sometimes sounds absolutely absurd. People go on and on about fate, luck, DESTINY..
And today i will tell you what mine has been in the last 3 days, and how i've manipulated it to my good. Not it's own.
Tuesday. Math examination in the day. But the early morning before.. Someone passed away. A large dose of regret first thing when i woke up. I heard her on the phone talking about a funeral..and i knew. And i kept it welled inside, because i didn't want her to cry any more. Little did anyone know, i cried to myself to a couple of times. Tuesday night, we rushed down to Malacca to be with him and his father. 2+ am before i could sleep. After crying myself tired.
Wednesday. Woke up early and went to college. Did a bit of Economics before i went with her to meet a Korean girl. Sweet. And we had a great time. Got to know her mom and all that. Perfect outing. Then when i was walking home.. some guy decides he wants to take a try at my bag. I hold it tight, and he gets away without it. But only after i've had quite a fall, and i've called him a pig. ;) I panic and run home.. and then when i'm all calmed down i realise i'm hurting everywhere. And i've probably hurt a large proportion of my back. I spend the rest of the day hobbling.. and trying to study for the exam next day.
Thursday morning. My mom decides she can't go down for his funeral because i need to be sent to college. So i'm feeling bad and i just HATE studying and end up being online and watching the idiot-box. I hate my condition and i wished i felt better. Then the afternoon comes.. and i get to college. 13 minutes before i'm reminding someone to bring in his exam docket and realise i didn't bring my own. The sweet guy tells me i have to go get mine.. in the rain. So i do. I get all soaked with people being absolutely sweet :) . I sit for the exam soaking wet, with even a squish in my shoes for an added effect. The sweet guy offers me his sweater once, but i'm all wet so i said no. Told you he was sweet!
Evening comes, and she tells me he wants us at a party. I'm like, no way. I'm going out with my parents. Ironically, they've announced that petrol prices are up rm0.86 by midnight, and EVERYONE decides to get a grab at cheaper petrol, and mom doesn't want to go out anymore. So i settle with some weird cake and hot coffee before dad and i make it home.
And this morning.. i wake up still achey and all that.. and he decides to be an idiot and throw a tantrum. Sigh.
All this while my love is away. I miss Macs SO!
But guess what? The only tears i've cried are of for a dead man. None more. Jesus has given me so much strength, and i'm taking it all in with a smile. Eventful, not depressing. Hard, but i'm not resigning. I cannot change stuff, but i can mould myself to be ready for more than this.
SO people, call me out for a drink! Exams are over and i need some entertainment. As if 3 days hasn't been enough. :)
2nd, 3rd, 4th June 2008, I love you!
Obviously from my last post you could tell i wasn't too happy. Missing someone so bad and things were slightly sour for me.
For my own sakes then, i'll actually record the happenings of my life just before this.
Exams began. MAAN was alright.. but Poetry&Drama wasn't as alright. Too cold then. :(
Been in and out of college. I miss Sabra! I still find that one.. very confusing. He asked me to marry him yesterday. LOL. Obviously a joke, but so random. The other one looked really good. Probably knew he needs his good looks to survive. And the older one.. he's sweet. Something about him i don't get, but i'm sorry i confused him. He thought i asked him to be my beau. I got a shock myself. The answer was No, anyway, simply because i was too young. xD
Haven't seen my sayang Care-lyn-by on webcam in ages. Her hair long edi ;) So weirdly funny. But see la.. what happens. I'll make her cut it soon! Cannot tahan.
That whole issue with *her. Sighhhhhhh. I'm lost. But we'll play along...
And i can't remember much else.
This post is orange for the female Physics Genius in AU!
Carolynnnn Tiong. I promise, you just saved my entire night. Without your skirt story, i would've died.
Matthew, you are candy.
And Navid, your haircut is seriously fine, although so expensive.
I wish i could hug you guys.
Macster, come home.
I must admit, it really sucks to know that someone you thought was really nice to you actually wants to avoid you.
It really hurts to know that you can't have someone because they're far away, and that they feel the same way about you.
It pains to know that you can't talk to any one about how you're feeling, because they'll either ridicule you or feel hurt. Worse, they may just not give a damn.
It feels like a waste when you've given so much for someone and they get the wrong vibe. They don't like you.
It sucks when you need them and they don't need you.
It hurts when they just don't want to talk. It hurts worse when they get the wrong idea or impression and then laugh at you or mock you for it.
It bleeds, to know that you're alone. And the ones you love are just, gone.
There are some people that have made things suck, hurt, painful and bleeding for me tonight.
But believe me, when i wake tomorrow, i will STAND.
Yes, sweethearts. I know it's been ages since i posted that's why i've got this whole load of guilt stuck inside. You know you missed me! ;)
So much stuff has been happening. Like, loads. I've been busy studying and NOT studying at all. In fact, after my Lit mocks later i'll be rushing off to MV for a good time with my sayang girls. :D
I miss Carolyn so. Haven't seen her on webcam in like, weeks? [Actually not even one week but then i rindu laa :) ] And Matt has been really sweet. He has his reasons i suppose ;)
I've been Rascal-Flatts-crazy. Listening to the same things every week. Carolyn dah tanya why i listen to them so many times. MUAHAHAHA. It's called obsession. ;)
Talking about obsessions, the I-ians have been absolutely whacko. One of them is an idiot heart-breaker, one is SO confused and SO confusing, there's one who was REALLY naughty (yes, in that way, damnit) and another one in love. They stick together too much and it gets annoying sometimes. Sigh.. it won't last long anyway all this. I hope not anyway.
I watched The Forbidden Kingdom. I've gotten mixed responses but I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. Call me an Americanised kid to the core, but i really liked it.
Exams coming. :s But i'm chilling. Been so stressed up lately and all that with SASA events and all that too. Hitakshi has been thrown around pretty bad too. I hope she'll be okay. She'll never read this but LOVE YOU GIRL.
Oh and Laura i miss you! Haven't lunched with you FOREVER. And i miss my Macster. Been away SOOOOO bloody long and i want to smack him but then it's for his own good so i'll be patient. *bites lips*
Love. Hope you enjoyed that bit of my life!
I am so freaking depressed today.
I can control it, but i don't have the strength to.
You caused it.
You won't go 100m for me, when i was willing to cut class for you.
You won't make me smile, when all i do is that for you.
SCREW YOU.
And you. Giving me Coke and making me high. Funny you. Then telling me how i inspire you. Encouraging me to be sugar-rushed with the other You.
YOU! My eternal sweetheart. When i feel sucky you call me baby and everything's alright. I felt like the clouds were my pedestal when you told me you love me.
You who likes this colour! SO far away when i need your hugs and love. So cute and soooo adorable. I love you.
You. Another funny girl. And my newest best friend if i could call you that. Being there and listening to that James Blunt song 4 times over with me! And then making me laugh, and not following me to see You. Sigh.
You, You, You, and Yous. I loved seeing each and every one of yous today. You guys are my life, and your new friends quite funny. Nice la i suppose.
You, thanks for cheering me up when i came home, and telling me i'm still beautiful in someone's eyes.
Now i don't see why i'm sulking, and depressed. I have SO many Yous to love me. And i love Yous!!